


Memoirs of the Past

by Aki_teru



Series: Dem Bois [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Childhood, Depression, Friendship, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past, Second gen captains, next gen captains, ngc week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-06-27 16:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15689523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aki_teru/pseuds/Aki_teru
Summary: Their pasts shape who they are today. But with their growing friendship, these six boys forge a brighter future together.//These are basically summaries of their childhoods that have led to who they are now & the things they currently struggle or have previously struggled with.___________________________________________________________________________________#hq-nextgen  NEXT GEN CAPTAINS FANWEEK 2018   https://hq-nextgen.tumblr.com/Day 3  “Past”This is part of the Dem Bois series and can be read at any time in the series, though it may work best to read this directly after “A Bunch of Saps”





	Memoirs of the Past

**Terushima Yuuji** was an excitable child, friends with everyone that crossed his path, and he’d held a wide range of interests. He was constantly moving, running and bouncing off the walls, full of energy, never settling down. His attention span was short, and he was hardly capable of focusing on any one thing for more than a moment’s time. He never planned for the future and hated to dwell on the past. Everything that mattered was right there and then, and every decision made was done spontaneously and with much enthusiasm. Life was nothing but fun for young Yuuji.

Not much had changed as he’d grown older.

He’d chosen Johzenji high school on a whim, and he’d joined the volleyball team simply because he’d tried it in middle school once and thought it would be fun.

He would flirt with every pretty girl he’d seen. At the time, getting girls’ numbers was just a fun way to spend time with his friends, and he’d loved making girls blush and his friends jealous.

But he never took anything too seriously. He’d tried dating and had had a few flings during high school, but he’d found that even at the time, he’d still loved everyone equally.

That changed during his third year of high school, when he’d begun to feel......something different for a certain person in his captains’ chat group.

It had started normally. He’d loved everyone in the chat and valued their friendship more than anything. He’d had fun chatting with them, and he was so happy to be a part of them. But when Kenjirou was having trouble fitting into the group, he’d felt that happiness wither just a bit. He didn’t understand why the other boy had been so upset, and Yuuji had taken it upon himself to put a smile on Kenjirou’s face. So he’d done what he did best: made spontaneous decisions.

He’d hugged Kenjirou.

He’d snuck into Kenjirou’s dorm so he wouldn’t be alone.

He’d brought Kenjirou to his own home and let him spend the rest of holiday break with the Terushima family.

Everything he’d done was on a whim, with the sole intention of making his friend happy. Yuuji hadn’t even realized when his feelings for the boy had changed, but he’d found himself thinking about Kenjirou more and more, until all of his thoughts held a lingering affection for him.

It was thrilling and incredibly fun to think of Kenjirou all the time – to imagine making him smile and laugh, making him blush, bringing a light to the other boy’s eyes.

But these new feelings had frightened Yuuji, and for the first time in his life, he had been hopeful for the future....and terrified of making a decision that could end up ruining everything.

So when Kenjirou confessed first, Yuuji had been elated.

And with each passing moment, each day spent with Kenjirou both together and among their friends.......Yuuji found himself with yet another new feeling welling up inside his chest.

He wanted to plan their life together.

He wanted to stay with Kenjirou forever.

 

* * *

 

 

 **Shirabu Kenjirou** was an inflexible child. He’d lived in a variety of situations, among extremely different families and a multitude of other children. He’d been able to carry on with the other kids in the orphanage, but he was a smart child and knew when to quiet down and do his chores. He knew the rules of the home and followed them strictly when he knew he was being monitored.

But even as a child, he’d been observant and would find ways around things. By age seven, he’d manipulated the children’s home to his own will and did as he pleased, passing himself off as the calm and collected child only when he knew the adults were watching.

He’d lived like this since he could remember, and even as other children passed through the home, he’d been able to work his way around them to get what he’d wanted.

This had changed when he’d been been sent to live with his first foster family.

They were kind and welcoming. Kenjirou wasn’t sure what to do with this. He was used to the cold, strict adults at the home. He was handed everything and didn’t have to work, didn’t have to manipulate anyone to his will or find his way around any rules. His entire lifestyle had been stripped away, and as a child, he’d been terrified of this.

And so he’d started to throw tantrums. He’d throw things. Break things. He’d purposely broken the foster family’s rules simply for the sake of breaking them. He’d done everything he could to make sure his foster parents wouldn’t be able to handle him.

He’d done everything to get himself returned to the home.

But his time there was short lived, and he’d been sent to live with yet another foster family.

He’d done the same thing. He was returned and taken away again, over and over, like a malfunctioning object that the seller just continued to put on the shelf.

In middle school, Kenjirou had been shipped off to one final foster family. They were a middle-aged couple with two young children of their own. Kenjirou had thought at the time that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he weren’t the only child there. Maybe he could fit in. Maybe he could make this work. But he’d learned very quickly that this was very different from living among other children in the home. There was a hierarchy here.....and Kenjirou had been at the bottom.

He’d found his situation reversed. He was no longer on top, no longer capable of bending the rules. He was the one being manipulated, enslaved and used by the parents. They’d collected the money the government sent to care for him, and they’d allow only a fraction of it to go toward Kenjirou. They’d forced him to do everything around the house on his own, and he was forced to care for his younger foster siblings and never allowed to leave the house outside of school and running erands. He was neglected, never treated as the couple’s child but rather their personal slave.

He had tried to act out to get himself returned to the home, but each time he’d done so, he’d been left with bruises and threats.

He’d found himself trapped and became immersed in volleyball to give himself an outlet; a way to get away and focus his frustrations elsewhere.

It was more than two years later that he’d found himself an opportunity to escape for good. He’d seen Ushijima play and had found himself so entranced that he’d decided immediately on what he’d wanted to do next. He was going to go to Shiratorizawa and join their team.

Of course, his ‘family’ hadn’t been too pleased with this decision. They’d tried to drag him away from the idea, saying he wasn’t smart enough for such a high-end school, wasn’t skilled enough for such a powerhouse team. But Kenjirou had used their words as fuel to study harder. When he’d learned that Shiratorizawa had dorms, he’d become even more motivated to get onto that campus.

And he’d done it and never looked back.

Kenjirou had no regrets about his decision. He’d accomplished his goal, gotten out of a bad situation, and he’d found himself a part of a new community far different than any he’d experienced before. And as far as he’d been concerned, there was no longer any need to manipulate or bend the rules to come out on top. He gave up his flashy playing style, mellowed himself out and learned to calm his temper quickly. He was perfectly content where he was at, and he’d been proud to become the starting setter and then the captain, not through manipulation but through honest hard work.

But then he had been dragged into a particular chat group and thrown into yet another new setting. He’d found it difficult to fit in, and he’d hated to explain why he’d acted the way he had. But he didn’t hate anyone in the group, not really. He hated himself for having such a difficult time adapting.

But then Yuuji had kept reaching out to him, showing him kindness and understanding he had never experienced on such a level.

It had sent Kenjirou through a barrage of different emotions he hadn’t known he was capable of.

Those arms outstretched toward him had been so welcoming, and the warmth of the other boy’s smile had found itself at home in Kenjirou’s heart.

And before long, Kenjirou had found a family in his friends.

 

* * *

 

 **Futakuchi Kenji** was always such a happy child. His household had been full of everything musical, and Kenji had been the kid on the block who’d been known for singing and dancing to everything. He’d been the star of his elementary music class, and he’d always been so enthralled by musical plays.

Kenji had learned to play guitar by age four, and he often would play and sing alongside his dad, who had been a song writer and had always found such joy in his son’s love for music.

The world had been so lively and colorful in Kenji’s eyes. Nothing could ever make him more happy than singing alongside his dad. They had been extremely close, and everything Kenji had held dear, everything that made him who he’d been, was centered around the relationship with his father and the music they had made together.

But Kenji’s love for music was cut short.

He was eleven at the time, when his father passed suddenly. Kenji hadn’t known what happened. He hadn’t known the reason for his dad’s passing, and the event would haunt him for years to come.

His household grew silent with the man’s absence. Kenji could no longer sing so freely, not without resurfacing the pain of losing the person he held most dear. Without his father’s music, without that man by his side, Kenji’s world became dull. He’d done his best to reassure his mom and little sister that he would be alright, but in the increasing silence of their home, he could hear nothing but his own unstable thoughts.

Everything had grown dark and quiet, and he had lost that spark that music had given him.

His entire identity was stripped away, and it wasn’t long before Kenji started to hide his vulnerability behind a mask of sarcasm and witty insults. As he’d grown older, he’d become a bit of a troublemaker and found it all too pleasing to rile others up.

But this was all Kenji could give himself in public face. Music had been stripped away from him, too painful to turn back to. But he’d held no other interests, and it was increasingly difficult to find any hobbies to indulge himself in.

And then a quiet boy had transferred into his middle school class, and Kenji found that there was something about the boy that reminded him of himself. He was quiet...and yet it seemed there was so much more he’d wanted to say.

Kenji quickly befriended the boy, Aone Takanobu.

It was through this boy that Kenji had been introduced to volleyball, and he had joined the middle school team and later went on to play in high school with his friend.

It had been nice to be able to share a common interest with someone again, and it was great to focus his mind on the game. He had felt himself becoming more lively again. That spark had returned, albeit it did not shine so brightly as before.

But Kenji was aware, though he’d taken great measures to hide it, that his sense of identity was little more than a broken, depressed boy posing as the annoying, sarcastic kid on their team.

At least, that’s how he’d felt.

His insecurities and self-hate relentlessly attacked the silence of his mind.

But he’d noticed, with much surprise, that these thoughts occurred much less frequently after he’d been brought into a particular chat group. He’d made more friends through volleyball; captains from other schools. And he’d begun to build relationships with each one of them, finding their group to be a safe place to turn to when his house was too silent or his mind was too loud.

Even so, he wasn’t quite ready to talk about who he was under the mask.

Whether it was fear or inevitable pain, he wasn’t sure.....but Kenji was working on it. And he was so thankful for the incredible friends he’d gained. Terushima Yuuji had become one of his closest friends and so far the only person that Kenji had even vocalized his depression to. But even Yuuji didn’t know everything. Kenji had never spoken of his father. He’d never talked about music or the details of his depression. He’d wanted to. He’d always wanted to. But he never could.

But now, with such welcoming friends, with a bright future ahead of him and Keiji by his side, maybe Kenji could find it in himself to remove his mask.

 

* * *

 

 

 **Akaashi Keiji** was a lonely child. He had always been kept on a constant, never-changing schedule. Rise early, bathe, dress, practice piano, eat breakfast, attend school, return home promptly, do homework, practice piano once again, eat dinner, study for the rest of the day, and go to bed.

His parents had believed in discipline and routine, and they made sure the nanny enforced his schedule while they were away at work.

He had not been allowed to play. He could never get dirty. He could never have friends over, nor visit anyone else. The only interaction he’d had with other children had taken place during school hours.

This, too, changed when his parents removed him from public school in favor of having their nanny home-school him during the last couple years of elementary. Keiji had lost all contact with his friends and classmates, and he had lost the short freedom of walking to school. He’d been imprisoned in his own home all hours of the day, forced to live by the schedule of which he’d grown far too accustomed.

Keiji had become silent; more-so than before.

He had lost what little freedom he’d had, and at such a young age, he’d become far too tired to fight it.

His eyelids had grown heavy, along with his heart. He had lost his appetite and found himself too mentally drained to sleep properly. He became almost sluggish, dragging himself through the routine with little motivation.

But he was quiet, and he did not voice his struggles.

He didn’t know how.

He’d lived his entire childhood being tugged along this strict schedule, and he had never once been given the opportunity to speak up or voice his opinions. He simply did as he was told.

And so he struggled silently.

His nanny had been the first to notice something was wrong.

After all, his parents were hardly home.

The nanny had watched him pick at his meals, eating so slowly that the food had hardly been touched by the time Keiji had to move onto the next task of the day. She’d watched him move lethargically from one thing to another, and she’d heard his usual delicate light-hearted music change over time into something much slower; sadder. She’d watch as he crawled into bed wordlessly, and she’d find him the next morning, lying awake with dark bags forming under his dulled eyes.

Concerned, the nanny had approached Keiji’s parents with what she had been observing in his behavior. His parents had assumed the change in behavior to be a result of his upcoming adolescence.

For weeks afterward, Keiji had continued to wordlessly drag himself through the days. Until one day, his parents had actually been home for dinner. They ate quietly at the table, but even with this rare occasion, even though Keiji should have been feeling happy.....nothing had changed. He’d become aware that even his family’s presence had no effect on him.

It had hurt to realize that his life was an endless loop of boredom and loneliness. Even with his parents beside him, even with those chairs occupied at the table......he still felt so incredibly alone.

And it was with this realization that the flow of tears had finally broken through.

His expression hadn’t changed, and he’d made no sound, continuing to eat as the tears poured down his cheeks.

Of course, this had alarmed his parents and nanny, and they had immediately rushed to see what was wrong. It was only at the contact of his mother touching his shoulder that Keiji let out the first sob. And he could only cry harder as his parents hugged him tight and frantically tried to figure out what was wrong.

For the first time in Keiji’s life, his schedule was tossed aside, and his parents talked to him for a few hours and took him out for ice cream. They’d called off work the next day and took him out into the city, and from then on, they had made sure to take off work more often and to give him a much looser schedule.

At the start of middle school, Keiji was allowed to attend public school once again. He’d taken up volleyball, deciding to try something entirely different from anything he’d done before. He still studied hard, but he’d been given much more freedom to do as he pleased and had been able to make new friends as well.

Before long, he’d found himself entranced by a particular member of his volleyball team. A year ahead of him was Bokuto Koutarou, a very loud and lively individual. He was unpredictable and constantly going through mood swings.....everything Keiji had never known.

Koutarou, after seeing Keiji’s setting skills, had immediately claimed him as his friend, and Keiji had let himself be swept into this friendship.

Keiji had followed him to Fukurodani and continued to set for him, and he had been more than happy to have someone like Koutarou in his life. However, this happiness was broken when the two of them had been pressured into dating. Koutarou had become clingy and jealous of anyone that so much as looked at Keiji. And Keiji had started to feel as though, once again, he could no longer live freely.....and as this continued to occur, he had felt something familiar welling up inside him.

And one day he’d burst.

He had yelled and cried, more upset than he had ever cared to show. And he had said some hurtful things.

He and Koutarou had ended their relationship and decided that they had been much happier as friends. And so, with time, things went back to how they had been. And Keiji was able to enjoy spending time with his friend again.

And several months later, Keiji was dragged into another friend group, one just as spontaneous and lively as Koutarou. It was here that he’d found more friends he’d grown to rely on. And it was here that he’d met someone he’d felt he could relate to....someone that had dropped everything like his parents had just to spend time with him and make sure he was okay.....someone that Keiji felt he could truly express himself with.

With Kenji’s hand to hold, Keiji felt free.

 

* * *

 

 

 **Yahaba Shigeru** was a very bratty child. His grandparents had spoiled him from the moment he was born and had allowed him to get away with anything. They would feed him candy against his parents wishes and buy him toys that his parents had already declined to purchase.

His parents had found it increasingly difficult to discipline him, and as Shigeru grew older, he became more and more care-free. Never listening, he did as he pleased and threw tantrums when it seemed as though things weren’t going his way.

When he started attending elementary school, his selfish demeanor grew more-so.

Shigeru would disrupt class and argue with the teachers, causing trouble if they even dared try to control him.

He would steal from the other kids and boss them around.

There were a few occasions in which his classmates refused to give him something he’d wanted, and Shigeru had reacted violently. He’d pushed and kicked other children and would have to be dragged away by an adult before he could land any more blows.

His parents had been called to the school on several occasions.

Each time, they would express their disappointment. He would be grounded and locked in his room for the rest of the day, no access to the television, his toys taken away. But this didn’t tame the boy. He’d screamed at the top of his lungs and pounded on his bedroom door, shouting curses and hateful thoughts toward his parents.

His parents tried everything to calm him.

But as Shigeru grew older, his behavior became increasingly erratic. He would pick fights for no reason and misbehave everywhere he went.

He’d been angry all the time, and everything seemed to set him off. One wrong word, and he’d throw himself into a violent frenzy.

He’d hated that anger.

He’d hated not being able to control himself.

He’d hated the way other kids avoided him.....how he’d always ended up alone.

As middle school approached, he’d become more aware of his actions and how they’d affected his life. He’d forced himself to stop attacking and throwing fits. But it wasn’t like he’d been given much of a choice at this point. He’d already driven everyone away. Every student knew to keep to their distance from him. He was a menace.

He had been angry with them at first. He’d wanted to scream at them. He’d wanted to fight them. But he’d forced himself to watch from a distance. He’d known perfectly well that he was at fault.

So his anger became directed toward himself.

In middle school, Shigeru kept to himself. He spoke little to other students and kept his anger bottled up. He would push through school and then walk around town aimlessly for the rest of the day, arriving home after dark only to avoid his parents and lock himself in his room.

This went on for a while. However, when the end of his first year of middle school had neared, Shigeru had found himself in a predicament. Another kid, a year ahead of him, had pegged him as a quiet loner and a target for bullying. The other boy had heard rumors of Shigeru’s aggression and had taken it as a challenge. It was just a few weeks before the school year’s end, during lunch, when the boy decided to seat himself across from Shigeru at the lunch table. Of course, this had irritated Shigeru, but he had kept quiet and continued eating his meal. But then, the other boy had reached forward and grabbed the food from Shigeru’s tray, stuffing it into his own face.

Shigeru had been furious. Immediately, he had stood up and shouted for the other boy to stop.

But the other boy stared up at him and smiled a shit-eating grin, chewing Shigeru’s food ever so slowly as he merrily refused.

And Shigeru snapped, lunging himself forward. He’d grabbed the food from the boy’s hand and tore it away. But the boy had retaliated and thrown Shigeru to the ground.

This had sparked an all-out battle between the two. They’d begun to wrestle, punching and kicking one another, disrupting the peace of the cafeteria. Other students had shouted excitedly and watched them pummel one another as teachers ran forth to break them apart.

In the end, Shigeru had once again landed himself in the principle’s office. The other boy had pleaded innocent, saying that he’d been defending himself and that Shigeru had attacked him first.

The adults, Shigeru’s parents included, had believed the other boy on account of Shigeru’s past reputation.

Shigeru had been expelled.

His parents had been immensely disappointed in him. They’d decided then and there that enough was enough and had forced Shigeru to attend anger management therapy.

But Shigeru didn’t fight this decision. He’d been silent as they sat him down and informed him of their plans. He’d felt the world crashing down around him, but he’d lost his energy to argue. He’d been doing so well, staying out of trouble....staying away from people. But he knew he’d deserved to be blamed for what happened. He knew his reputation. He’d been well aware of it for years, and he’d tried to fix himself. But he was tired.

He was disappointed not only in the situation but in himself.

And so, he’d accepted his parents’ order to attend therapy.

And it was a bumpy road, but Shigeru found himself having fewer outbursts as time went on. He’d also been told to find some kind of physical activity to help take out some of his built-up anger. So when he started his second year at a new middle school, he signed up for the volleyball team with the intention of being a wing spiker.

However, the team at the time had been lacking a setter; theirs having graduated the previous semester. Shigeru had had no intention of filling the position. He’d wanted to simply spike volleyballs. He’d wanted to get his aggression out. But as a newcomer to the team, and the only one with no prior volleyball experience, he had been encouraged to try different positions. And he had found, to his surprise, that he had actually enjoyed setting more than anything. It forced him to use his mind, to make quick decisions based on the other players and not his own desires. Being setter gave him more than an outlet for his anger. It gave him an opportunity to become a fundamental player on the team.

And so, volleyball was a start to a new and better Shigeru.

He’d come to value the game, to value his team, and to value himself equally.

He’d gone on to play in high school as well, and while he hadn’t been able to be starting setter, he highly respected Oikawa Tooru and the other upperclassmen.

So when a particular person rejoined the team after a long hiatus and treated the upperclassmen, the team relationship, and the game with such disrespect, Shigeru could feel his anger resurfacing. But he’d kept it under control and looked the other way.

But during their last game his second year, the last chance for the upperclassmen he admired to go to nationals......Shigeru had snapped and slammed the Mad Dog into the wall, screaming at him.

But he kept himself level in his threats and released the boy shortly afterward.

And as he could see something change in the other boy’s eyes, Shigeru had realized right then and there: Kentarou was just like he had been. He’d only needed a bit of a push.

So when the third year’s graduated, Shigeru was proud to see Kentarou truly become a part of the team. He was proud to have him as the vice to his captaincy.

And over time, his feelings for the other had grown stronger, only being brought to light when a particular group of friends decided to take matters into their own hands.

But Shigeru was thankful for volleyball. He owed it for his self improvement, his accomplishments, his boyfriend, and his best friends.

And he couldn’t wait to see how much further he could go.

 

* * *

 

 

 **Ennoshita Chikara** was a careful child. He had felt from a young age that he was different from others, but he hadn’t been sure why at the time.

From the moment he was born, his family had dressed him in humorous clothes stating that he was a little ladies man, and they had always said things about him being a cute little boyfriend any time his little toddler self would play with girls. If he had shown anything more than disinterest around anyone female, they would claim he had a crush. If he had shown disinterest, they would claim he was a little heart-breaker playing hard to get.

Chikara had hardly noticed it at such a young age, but as he started to grow older, he would become uncomfortable by such statements and confused as to why his family would say such things. After all, Chikara hadn’t felt any differently around girls than he did other boys.

But in elementary school, Chikara had started to notice a difference.

There was a boy in his class that had lived just down the street from the Ennoshita residence. The boy had unruly strawberry blond hair and was about the same age as Chikara, though much more lanky.

Chikara had grown a fondness for the boy, and the two of them would often play during recess, tossing a volleyball back and forth for the entire period.

Over the years, the two of them had come to be good friends and would play quite often. They would play volleyball, watch movies, and even come up with their own little fantasy worlds and make short little videos using a camera Chikara had gotten for his ninth birthday.

Chikara had been aware that he’d felt differently about his friend. But he hadn’t known exactly what was different about his feelings....only that there was something more than what he’d felt around anyone else.

He had written it off as simply being closer friends with the other boy than he’d been with anyone else.

But in middle school, Chikara had discovered an entirely new reasoning.

During their first year, a large sleepover had occurred for another classmate’s birthday. Both Chikara and his friend had attended, and the group of them had played many games throughout the night. But one in particular had left an impact on the boys. A game of truth or dare had sparked a dare for he and his friend to kiss. Chikara had been embarrassed and had felt a bit weird about it at first.....but once they’d gone through with the dare, it was as though a light had gone off in his head. And he knew exactly what was different about the feelings he’d had for his friend.

His feelings were so much more than friendship.

Of course, he had never spoken this realization out loud. He’d kept it to himself, and each time he and his friend hung out for the rest of the school year, Chikara found himself blushing involuntarily.

But then, after their first year of middle school had ended, his friend moved away.

And while Chikara had been heartbroken at the time, he had also come to realize that he’d felt differently toward other boys than toward any girl. One day, he’d approached his parents about this, expecting to learn more about why he’d felt this way.

But they hadn’t reacted how he’d expected.

They had been furious, and Chikara wasn’t sure why.

But he learned very quickly that liking boys was not acceptable in his family, and so he had never spoken of it afterward.

His parents continued to treat him with some form of distain, even as he went into high school. They would ask him almost aggressively if he’d gotten a girlfriend yet, and his extended family would do the same each time they’d see him. He would lie and say he’d thought a few girls were pretty cute but either out of his league or already taken, if only to ease his family’s displeasure.

Chikara had become very careful about sharing his sexuality. He hadn’t spoken of it to anyone, even within his volleyball team. But he had found that his team was fairly accepting, and he himself was responsible for helping two of his teammates work out their relationship.

But Chikara had never mentioned liking other guys. He hadn’t wanted the information to reach his family. He’d known it would be too much of a risk.

But then, he had fallen into a group of friends –other captains—where he’d found others being completely open about their sexualities....and even a few relationships had sparked from the group.

It had made Chikara wish for what they had.

And then one day, he ran into an old friend on the street. His friend, whose hair had darkened with age and who had grown considerably taller....a friend in which Chikara had seen on one of the other volleyball teams but hadn’t gotten the chance to speak with....one whom shared a mutual friend in Chikara’s captains chat.

And Chikara’s feelings had come rushing back to him, as though the two of them had never grown apart.

The two of them had stopped at a nearby and talked for hours. At some point, their conversation had turned to Chikara’s acceptance into film school and then to the old videos they had made when they were children. And this had sparked a walk to Chikara’s family home, where the two of them watched some of their old home videos that Chikara had stored in the back of his closet. And when they’d finished watching a few of the videos, they found themselves sitting close in the silence of the empty house.

And they had fallen onto each other and done things that both boys had seemed to be holding back for years.

And this was the start of something new for them; something secret and intimate.

And Chikara enjoyed meeting with his friend from time to time. He enjoyed doing things in secret; things his family could never know about.

But still, those feelings for his friend were kept locked in Chikara’s heart. He was afraid to bring them to light; afraid to confess that he felt more for his friend than sexual urges. He was afraid his friend wouldn’t feel the same.

And so, Chikara enclosed his feelings, storing his desires in the back of his mind.

He was glad, though, to finally share snippets of his predicament with the group of friends he held dearly.

It felt as though he was finally getting closer to coming out.

And he hoped he could gather the courage to share those feelings kept hidden for so long.

**Author's Note:**

> Ya know, I started out with Yuuji's & it was like "Oh, this is going to be a really cute fic" and then just......I happened. My love for angst got the best of me. I'm sorry.  
> I hurt the characters I love.
> 
> A lot of the stuff mentioned/discussed in this fic will definitely be revisited in further detail at some point in the Dem Bois series.
> 
>  
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading and please review!!


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